I will run...

Have you ever seen something so dear and loved be taken away from those that are precious to you? I have.

I've been thinking about running lately. I used to love to run. I ran a lot being a gymnast and it is freeing. I love pushing my body to the limit and feeling the soreness the next day. Every gym teacher I ever had asked me several times to join the track team. I always said no because either I was too busy with gymnastics, or had quit gymnastics and was over sports for awhile. The point is, I used to be able to run, a lot and was pretty good at it.

Fast forward a few years, now running is undeniably one of the most painful things to do. It's not the physical exertion or the exhaustion. Those I welcome. It's the insane itching I endure. I always thought I was crazy and was making it up but I know several others who have the same problem. It's not an itch that is solved by creams or scratching, it just makes everything worse. I have almost passed out from it at times. After a lot of research I've found a possible explanation. Exercise allergy. Seriously. It has to do with body temperature and how your body reacts to it. I break out into little red hives (and only make it worse by the scratching I do!). Though apparently an antihistamine can really help, I'm still a little scared to try because believe me, it is not fun.

However, I am going to try to defeat this tiny thing so I can run for a bigger thing. My dad.

My dad loves to run. He was a marathoner and runs almost every day. If you are a daily runner I'm sure you can relate to the love of running my dad has. But now he can't run like he used to, and someday (hopefully not too soon), he will not be able to run anymore, or even walk. That breaks my heart. I was blessed enough to talk to my dad a few days ago and he said that he was running the best he could the other day when he saw others running the way he used to. It was sad for him. But he said that as much as he loves running, he knows that is not who he is. It is not who God created him to be. That in the grand scheme of things, not being able to run anymore is not that big of a deal. I know that it hurts him because he said so but I know that he truly means it when he says there is more to life than what we can physically do.

I know I've taken my health for granted. A year ago this week, I was lying in a hospital bed after losing consciousness three times in five minutes. I was hooked up to IVs and had doctors scratching their heads. It was the first time I felt truly grateful for the health I do have. Now I'm even more grateful. My obstacle to running is big enough for doctors to warn those like me to not run alone because you can faint but not big enough that I can't overcome it, that I shouldn't at least try. I want to run for my dad. I don't want to take something that was so important to him for granted. I want to keep that alive.

My dad and I are connected in so many ways. We have a special bond just like he has with my three wonderful siblings but I know for each of us it's different. I want to make my marathoning, track-coaching, getting-lost-in-the-woods-because-he-ran-too-far dad proud. I hope I can. I think I'm going to need it as we go through this horrible journey.

So starting in the cold fall may not be the smartest. But truthfully, there is not a lot of time to sit and wait for the perfect moment. There isn't a lot of time left period. So I will buy some antihistamines, lace up my sneakers, and pound the pavement.