Embracing each day

• 3 days until Thanksgiving
• 12 days until I leave for my Boston/NYC trip
• 15 days until I find out if I'm having a niece or another nephew
• 34 days until Christmas with my family
• 41 days until 2012

These are all events that I'm pretty excited about. It's fun to count down to those exciting days. I counted down the days until my high school graduation, college graduation, my wedding, and my trip to Ireland. It gives a sense of excitement in the air. As a kid I loved counting down until Christmas. I love it when that countdown reaches the single digits. It truly is exciting. And it make those long days not seem so long when you see them get smaller and smaller and less and less distant.
However, I've recently had a shift away from countdowns. It pains me almost to see those days just disappear. I'm still very excited for all those above events. I'm especially excited to see those days get smaller and smaller if it means I get to see my family. But, when you are given a different type of countdown it puts all other countdowns into perspectives.
My dad was told he most likely has three to five years with this disease and then the disease will win. That is a countdown I don't want to see. I don't want to see those days disappear, but they do. Every day that goes by that I am not with my dad, is one less day I get with him. The truth is, fun countdowns make us want those days in between to disappear. I think countdowns minimize those days in between because every day is a gift. I know that may be corny and cliche but it is not cliche when you are faced with mortality. It is not cliche when all you want to do is slow          down             time.
But I can't slow down time. I'm given 24 hours a day every day just like everyone else. And no matter what I do those 24 hours will run out, those weeks, months, and years will run out and at the end of it I'll still be praying for more time.
So here's my challenge to myself: To not count down until the next big event but take every day as a big event, as a blessed gift to cherish. This has been hard for me lately. Instead of using the potential of every day to its fullest, I find myself wanting to curl up and pretend it is all a bad dream. I lack the energy to do what I know my dad wants me to do and that is to be a part of this gift that God has so graciously given to me. So I haven't figured this out. But I do know that I don't want to count down the days, I just want to be a part of life and for those big events to be a part of it. Because in life we revolve around those big events but it's those days in between that have so much potential for beauty, wisdom, and memories. I want to be a part of those more instead of looking so much ahead.


*Sorry for the poor writing, sometimes writing when I'm emotional causes me to not express everything I want to say the most eloquent way. But thank you for taking the time to read my ill-organized thoughts.

I will run...

Have you ever seen something so dear and loved be taken away from those that are precious to you? I have.

I've been thinking about running lately. I used to love to run. I ran a lot being a gymnast and it is freeing. I love pushing my body to the limit and feeling the soreness the next day. Every gym teacher I ever had asked me several times to join the track team. I always said no because either I was too busy with gymnastics, or had quit gymnastics and was over sports for awhile. The point is, I used to be able to run, a lot and was pretty good at it.

Fast forward a few years, now running is undeniably one of the most painful things to do. It's not the physical exertion or the exhaustion. Those I welcome. It's the insane itching I endure. I always thought I was crazy and was making it up but I know several others who have the same problem. It's not an itch that is solved by creams or scratching, it just makes everything worse. I have almost passed out from it at times. After a lot of research I've found a possible explanation. Exercise allergy. Seriously. It has to do with body temperature and how your body reacts to it. I break out into little red hives (and only make it worse by the scratching I do!). Though apparently an antihistamine can really help, I'm still a little scared to try because believe me, it is not fun.

However, I am going to try to defeat this tiny thing so I can run for a bigger thing. My dad.

My dad loves to run. He was a marathoner and runs almost every day. If you are a daily runner I'm sure you can relate to the love of running my dad has. But now he can't run like he used to, and someday (hopefully not too soon), he will not be able to run anymore, or even walk. That breaks my heart. I was blessed enough to talk to my dad a few days ago and he said that he was running the best he could the other day when he saw others running the way he used to. It was sad for him. But he said that as much as he loves running, he knows that is not who he is. It is not who God created him to be. That in the grand scheme of things, not being able to run anymore is not that big of a deal. I know that it hurts him because he said so but I know that he truly means it when he says there is more to life than what we can physically do.

I know I've taken my health for granted. A year ago this week, I was lying in a hospital bed after losing consciousness three times in five minutes. I was hooked up to IVs and had doctors scratching their heads. It was the first time I felt truly grateful for the health I do have. Now I'm even more grateful. My obstacle to running is big enough for doctors to warn those like me to not run alone because you can faint but not big enough that I can't overcome it, that I shouldn't at least try. I want to run for my dad. I don't want to take something that was so important to him for granted. I want to keep that alive.

My dad and I are connected in so many ways. We have a special bond just like he has with my three wonderful siblings but I know for each of us it's different. I want to make my marathoning, track-coaching, getting-lost-in-the-woods-because-he-ran-too-far dad proud. I hope I can. I think I'm going to need it as we go through this horrible journey.

So starting in the cold fall may not be the smartest. But truthfully, there is not a lot of time to sit and wait for the perfect moment. There isn't a lot of time left period. So I will buy some antihistamines, lace up my sneakers, and pound the pavement.

Puppy love

Dexter never ceases to amaze me with all his personality, cuteness, and love.
His favorite stuffed penguin recently lost an arm after having to take a trip through the washer and dryer. I promised Dexter I would sew it back on. It was over a month ago, but last week I finally did it. They were reunited and have not been separated since...

Here he is cuddling with his favorite non-human best friend.

 

Right now he is currently totally pooped from all the love he gave and received this weekend from our awesome visitors (thanks Cassie, Drew, and Erik for a fun friend-filled weekend). I could not have asked for a better dog. I love my boy :)

A birthday brag for my big sis.

We're adorable.

Dear Julie,
Here is a big old birthday thank you for my big old sister. Julie, I have truly been blessed with an amazing big sister in you. I want to thank you for stepping up when you needed to and in a sense sacrificed much of your childhood so that the rest of us could still have one. Thank you for playing Barbies, My Little Pony, school, and even homicide detective with me every time I asked. And not just played, but contributed and made it even more fun. (I especially thank you for not making all the Kens fight like Josh and Stephen).
Thank you for being a teacher, a playmate, my cheerleader. Even when I failed every time you taught me it was worth trying.

Julie, there have been times that you had to step up into a new role. At times you sacrificed much of your  childhood to preserve ours. Being nearly six and a half years older than me you were more than capable of teaching me my colors, how to read, how to tie my shoe, among many other things. Some of my favorite memories with you are late Christmas Eves waiting for Santa.

Julie, you continue to be the most thoughtful person I know. You might have a tough exterior but I'm pretty sure you're a big old softie. You continue to cheer me on in my endeavors and be one of my biggest supporters in life. When you took me to San Diego as a college graduation present I was floored by your generosity and had one of the best times of my life. And when you stood by me as my maid of honor I knew that I had your support as I married my new best friend. I love being an aunt beside you to Ollie and now Meemo. It makes me excited for you to be an aunt to my children because I know they're getting the best.

You're probably going to hate that I'm bragging about you, but I don't think I brag about you enough. I could go on and on about what you do and how I can look to you for stability. But I can also look to you for a good time. You are hilarious and witty (like all us Ekhoffs really) and I love hearing what you're going to say. You also have one of the best smiles ever so seeing you laugh makes me happy too. Sure you can drive me crazy but I guarantee I drive you even more crazy. We're sisters for goodness sakes! But I love the hell out of you :)

Today the brains of geniuses are in your hands as you teach gifted kids biology and AP environmental science. From the sounds of it, the kids love your sense of humor and teaching style. Just like everything, you pour yourself into them and cheer them on at science competitions the same way you cheered me on (and they win!). It's really not surprising that you're a teacher since it mixes something you're really good at (teaching) with something you love (summers off!)

Julie, thank you for everything you've done for me and our family. Thank you for being all that you are. You were my first hero and you still are my hero to this day. I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I wish I could be there to be a part of it.
Thanks for always being there and for never giving up on me. I love you and miss you so much!
Happy birthday seester!