Full of Contradictions

I married Brand for a myriad of reasons, many of which I try to highlight here because he is amazing and I feel everyone should know that (not that most of you care but whatever). But one thing I like to brag about my husband is his incredibly progressive views on women.

I'm incredibly fortunate that he has these views because I'm a bit...gasp..progressive myself.

I am a woman wrapped in contradictions. I'm a domestic, Christian, progressive, feminist. Not a feminist in the traditional sense (though I do appreciate their advocacy and their incredible intelligence) but a feminist in the sense that I am sensitive to the plight of women past and present and what I can do for them in the future.

That being said...

I also enjoy cooking, cleaning, baking, and will one day stay at home to be with my children (happily!..and my choice!) Today I cooked a lot and had a sparkly clean kitchen at the end of it. In fact, I always have a sparkly clean everything. I clean everyday...a little bit here, a little bit there (it's actually a lot more organized than that but you get the point). However, I think the cleaning is more driven by my OCD than my need to please my husband. I also cook and bake for fun (though knowing Brand will enjoy the outcome is also a fun driving force, because in the end...I love him and I do things that will make him happy). I feel energized after an afternoon of cooking and cleaning.

However, I feel the feminist bit kind of shaking her head at me sometimes.
Why as a college-educated, honors graduated woman must you be so thrilled with these little domestic, mundane tasks that the women before you worked so hard to free you from?
Why did you spend $35,000 on a degree where you get to be socially active and make a difference in the world..just to eventually end up staying at home raising a bunch of snot-nosed brats? (To really piss Ms. Insider-Feminist I tell her that I would've spent more to find the man of my dreams like I did...oh man she hates that!)

Well Ms. Insider-Feminist..here is how I answer you:
First of all, the women before me worked so hard so that I could choose my path in this life. I want to raise my children to believe they can be anything they want to be, even if that means staying at home with their children (yes..my sons will be raised to believe that if they want to be Mr. Mom then good for them!) Also, a part of my OCD and need for control yearns for the simplicity of my domestic tasks. I work in a field that can be incredibly challenging and heartbreaking. Sometimes there aren't answers for the questions that face me. So I like to come home and do those things that I know I have a bit of control over. It can be quite therapeutic (so can a Battlestar Galactica marathon on Netflix..yes to add to the group of adjectives..I.Am.A.Nerd).

Secondly, my choice to be a stay-at-home mom was made long before I met Brand. Thankfully he was okay with whatever made me happy. I know that he values my intelligence and how hard I have worked my whole life to be a good student, a thirsty learner, and a productive member of society. Brand is a man that sees me as his intellectual equal and never doubts my abilities (usually he's the one encouraging me OUT of my own self-doubt). To be a stay-at-home mom does not mean that I have given into the American Dream's ideals or even to some people's version of Christian ideals..it means that I want to take on the incredibly difficult task of being a mom at home. It means that I will put faith in God that He will provide for us with only one job so that I can be close to my kids. However, I know if I decided to go back to work one day..Brand wouldn't hesitate to back me up. And the kids won't be at home forever, and at that time I will get the chance to look at a new journey and to see what God has for me next.*

I.am.not.a.trophy.wife. My husband brags about me..yes about my banana bread and my spinach dip..but he mostly brags about me to others about what I do for a living and about who I am...not what I produce in the kitchen. I am incredibly blessed to be married to a man who was raised by an incredibly strong woman. To be married to a man that believes in justice for women and to be married to a man who looks at me much more than his cook, his maid, and his baby-maker. I am valued way beyond that in his eyes.

Because my value isn't in my cleaning skills, my baking or cooking skills, my ability to organize, my performance at work, the way I look, or even the way my husband sees me...it is valued in God and His grace for me. That's why I can be a contradiction because all those adjectives don't really define me...they just help describe how God made me.



*Check this funny blog post out regarding the stay-at-home mom vs. working mom debate...love it! Yes there is some foul-language..I told you I'm progressive people!