The 90's

Anyone that consciously grew up in the 90's probably has a bit of a love affair of anything 90's. The music, the (ugly) clothes, the TV, the events, the catchphrases, etc all bring about some nostalgia. Since I was a child without any responsibilities, anything related to the 90's makes me actually...relax. Though I don't think I'll ever go back to the clothes, anything else I'm willing to relive. A year ago we celebrated my dear Mollie's 25th birthday as a 90's themed party (another 90's lover) and Brand obtained 1000 90's songs that I now have on my iTunes, it's pretty awesome. When I'm in the mood, I turn on the mix and relive the memories. Sometimes I'll even specifically go to the Spice Girls and sing all the songs (because I somehow know all the words). It's..fun. It's ridiculous, carefree fun. I love it.
This 90's love has seeped over into my Netflix choices. My Netflix Instant Queue is full of 90's TV shows I was too young to watch at the time but now can appreciate. Currently I'm watching Ally McBeal and I love it. John Cage and Richard Fish are two of the funniest characters I've seen on television. Plus I love Portia di Rossi in everything she does.Also Jesse L. Martin of Law and Order:SVU fame has a guest arc in the show where he sings a lot (I really wish that he was allowed to sing when I was obsessed with SVU, that man has a beautiful voice). I know this is a show I would've gathered my girlfriends for every week and dissected it when it was over. (We would all be complaining about Ally this I can guarantee). Instead I was watching Home Improvement drooling over JTT like what a pre-teen should have been doing.
After Ally McBeal I have Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, Felicity, Twin Peaks, (and more I can't think of) all ready for me to live in the 90's again. (A lot of my Netflix library also has a good chunk of British TV shows, this is a love affair that exists not out of nostalgia but out of appreciation for their humor). So if you want to take a step back into time where not every person had a cell phone (and when they do they were as big as cinder blocks), a time without Facebook, a time of cheaper gas, a time of boy bands, a time of grunge rock, a time of "as if" and "whatever"*, then come on by I'm probably watching 90's greatest hits.

Source

*If you ever want to watch Clueless too, let me know. I own it and will happily watch with you but I will warn you, I probably know every word to that movie and can't watch it without saying them all.

Thank you

Wow. A big wow. After I posted my last blog regarding my decision to look at the positive and begin to move forward after our miscarriage, I had an outpouring of support and I wanted to take the time to thank all the people who have helped me and Brand in this journey.
 To all those who have been there for me during this terrible experience I thank you. Thank you Cassie for sitting with me and Brand in the ER and for taking our minds off our tragedy if even for a minute. Thank you to the rest of my friends who have sent cards, who have prayed, and who always do their best to make me smile. Thank you to my family and extended family who have cried with me, prayed for me, and who have blessed me with their wisdom, and who didn't say the cliche things most people say but who hurt with me. Thank you to my small group ladies and leaders who have given me their shoulders, time, and prayers. Who have cried with me over our shared experience. I love you all.
And thank you to the people who reached out and commented on my blog or my Facebook posting. You guys have given me so much strength. A lot of you said I inspire you or that I am strong, and while I thank you for those kind words I must admit I am so weak. I have been the definition of weak these last 7 weeks. But you guys have given me the encouragement I need to move forward. The ladies who have shared their own experiences with me have given me an example of strength. If they can get through what they got through, then I truly believe I can be happy again. I cannot thank you all enough for what you have been to me.
When I miscarried, I promised our Sweet Pea that I would not disappoint him/her. I would make my Sweet Pea proud. And that's what I plan on doing, and with all of your encouragement, I know I can do that.
With the help of your words and my husband's endless support, I feel strong enough to get through this.
But mostly, I thank my Lord and Savior who is my Strength. I have not been the nicest to Him these last seven weeks but I cannot deny any longer that I need His strength. Truthfully, I miss Him.
Just because I'm choosing to move on and reclaim my life, does not mean I will ever forget my Sweet Pea and what he/she meant to me in those two short weeks I knew him/her. I will think of my Sweet Pea everyday. I hope when I think of my Sweet Pea I don't get sad, but rather I get excited to live this life I've been blessed with that could have easily been taken from me. I'll think of my Sweet Pea in Heaven and be happy that they don't have to experience this cruel world.
So again, thank you for your encouragement, your words have not fallen on deaf ears but have rather ignited a fire inside me. Thank you.

Looking Ahead

I've written five blog posts since our miscarriage. None of them are posted. It's pretty heavy stuff, so heavy I just don't feel like letting every person in the world read them. So I've decided to post a light-hearted and hopeful (a word I loathe using right now but am forcing myself to use it) post with a look into the future.
Brand and I are trying to distract ourselves from thinking too much about our Sweet Pea so we've decided to start taking further steps into our plans. So here is what we are looking forward to in the next few months:
1.) Maui! We are going to Maui in September for our 3 year anniversary. It was originally going to be a babymoon but we are excited to go back to the place of our honeymoon. We are blessed enough to have parents (Brand's parents) who own a condo on the beach. We got to honeymoon there and now we get to go back. It'll be fun to go back to our favorite spots and also create new memories. Brand and I need to get away from the sadness this year has brought us and just relax, just him and me.
2.) Julie is visiting in August! My big sis is coming back for more. She so eloquently said last time she was here that living in Spokane means that when people come visit you it's to visit YOU and not to see the sites. It's true, we showed her what we wanted to last time so we'll have to get creative. Maybe Greenbluff?
3.)Hurley!yui (Hurley wrote those last three letters) Hurley is our newest addition. He's the puppy that has me occupied a million times a day. He's the little guy that keeps my mind off the tragedy that consumes every thought. He's also one of the enticing reasons for Julie to come visit. Julie has a soft spot for dogs and she's excited to meet her new nephew.
4.) Little things like: the Olympics!, BBQing, walks in our favorite park, watching Dr. Who and Breaking Bad on Netflix, swimming in Lake CDA, floating the Omak River, ice cream, sno cones, etc.
5.) Buying a house? Brand and I have been saving to buy a house and the market is great now and we really need to jump on it before things start turning around. We are blessed enough to have a mom (Brand's) who is a shark of a realtor and has offered to be ours (which would mean about 3% off our cost of the house because she'd be doing it for nothing). She's good at what she does and she's the one you want at a used car dealer, plus she's an expert as a realtor and as a multiple homebuyer ( my in-laws own 6 homes, one they live in, the rest they rent out, I think they may know a thing or two about buying homes).
AND...
6.) Trying for our rainbow baby (a rainbow baby is a baby born live after a miscarriage or stillbirth). We are very close to being able to try again. We would be able to try right now but we opted to take caution and wait a little bit longer. Plus, I don't think I'm in a good enough emotional state. The thought of another miscarriage scares me enough to almost never try again. But the thought of finally holding a live baby in my arms makes me feel like it'll be worth the risk. We're hoping to be just as lucky this time around and get pregnant right away, but I'm not holding my breath. Either way, if you're reading this, friend, family, or stranger, we're looking forward to sharing good news with you..when/if we reach the 2nd trimester. These cautious parents just got more cautious.

It seems like life is always about new adventures, good or bad, and we're trying to navigate it the best we can.We're hoping these new adventures will bring much needed joy and happiness into our lives. No matter what, I'm happy to know that I have an amazing husband by my side. I'm blessed to know that the worst of the worse doesn't scare him away but draws him closer to me. I seriously have the best husband in the world. The most amazing man. I could not ask for a better partner to help shoulder the tough times but also to enjoy the wonderful.