Never were there such devoted sisters

This weekend my big sister Julie visited. It was one of the best weekends I have had in awhile. We laughed and talked a lot. We just relaxed and watched some Olympics complete with Julie's hilarious commentary. We spent Saturday in beautiful Sandpoint having lunch at my in-law's lake house and giving them a break getting it ready for the next renters. We walked around Sandpoint and had delicious ice cream and yummy chocolate truffles.
But mostly, Julie and I did our sister thing. Julie was my first best friend, my first teacher, and really my first hero. Being nearly six and a half years older than me, Julie was my idol. I did everything she did and liked everything she liked.That set a pretty good foundation of a great sister-ship. Spending time with her makes me feel bad for anyone who doesn't have a sister. Sisters are incredible blessings. Even though we're so different being sisters has linked us for life.
Luckily, I get to see her in two weeks where I get to see her new house for the first time and I'm excited to help her paint it :)

Here's some highlights:

• Julie's impeccable Indian accent. Teaching numerous Indian children+her incredible knack for accents=spot on performance
• Friends bloopers! 
• Olympic watching
• Cake batter milkshakes
• Sister antics (throwing flip flops off the second story deck at the lake house..good one Julie!)
• Sister brainwaves. Yes we are different in so many ways but we are so alike in so many ways mainly humor and our brilliant timing.
• Julie distracting me so much I go into the wrong parking lot and leave the root beer at the cash register. 
• Endless talking
• Her amazing point of view. She thinks of things I definitely don't.

In case you were wondering if we were always this cute and hilarious...check out this picture.

Much love to my built-in friend :)

The 90's

Anyone that consciously grew up in the 90's probably has a bit of a love affair of anything 90's. The music, the (ugly) clothes, the TV, the events, the catchphrases, etc all bring about some nostalgia. Since I was a child without any responsibilities, anything related to the 90's makes me actually...relax. Though I don't think I'll ever go back to the clothes, anything else I'm willing to relive. A year ago we celebrated my dear Mollie's 25th birthday as a 90's themed party (another 90's lover) and Brand obtained 1000 90's songs that I now have on my iTunes, it's pretty awesome. When I'm in the mood, I turn on the mix and relive the memories. Sometimes I'll even specifically go to the Spice Girls and sing all the songs (because I somehow know all the words). It's..fun. It's ridiculous, carefree fun. I love it.
This 90's love has seeped over into my Netflix choices. My Netflix Instant Queue is full of 90's TV shows I was too young to watch at the time but now can appreciate. Currently I'm watching Ally McBeal and I love it. John Cage and Richard Fish are two of the funniest characters I've seen on television. Plus I love Portia di Rossi in everything she does.Also Jesse L. Martin of Law and Order:SVU fame has a guest arc in the show where he sings a lot (I really wish that he was allowed to sing when I was obsessed with SVU, that man has a beautiful voice). I know this is a show I would've gathered my girlfriends for every week and dissected it when it was over. (We would all be complaining about Ally this I can guarantee). Instead I was watching Home Improvement drooling over JTT like what a pre-teen should have been doing.
After Ally McBeal I have Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek, Felicity, Twin Peaks, (and more I can't think of) all ready for me to live in the 90's again. (A lot of my Netflix library also has a good chunk of British TV shows, this is a love affair that exists not out of nostalgia but out of appreciation for their humor). So if you want to take a step back into time where not every person had a cell phone (and when they do they were as big as cinder blocks), a time without Facebook, a time of cheaper gas, a time of boy bands, a time of grunge rock, a time of "as if" and "whatever"*, then come on by I'm probably watching 90's greatest hits.

Source

*If you ever want to watch Clueless too, let me know. I own it and will happily watch with you but I will warn you, I probably know every word to that movie and can't watch it without saying them all.

Thank you

Wow. A big wow. After I posted my last blog regarding my decision to look at the positive and begin to move forward after our miscarriage, I had an outpouring of support and I wanted to take the time to thank all the people who have helped me and Brand in this journey.
 To all those who have been there for me during this terrible experience I thank you. Thank you Cassie for sitting with me and Brand in the ER and for taking our minds off our tragedy if even for a minute. Thank you to the rest of my friends who have sent cards, who have prayed, and who always do their best to make me smile. Thank you to my family and extended family who have cried with me, prayed for me, and who have blessed me with their wisdom, and who didn't say the cliche things most people say but who hurt with me. Thank you to my small group ladies and leaders who have given me their shoulders, time, and prayers. Who have cried with me over our shared experience. I love you all.
And thank you to the people who reached out and commented on my blog or my Facebook posting. You guys have given me so much strength. A lot of you said I inspire you or that I am strong, and while I thank you for those kind words I must admit I am so weak. I have been the definition of weak these last 7 weeks. But you guys have given me the encouragement I need to move forward. The ladies who have shared their own experiences with me have given me an example of strength. If they can get through what they got through, then I truly believe I can be happy again. I cannot thank you all enough for what you have been to me.
When I miscarried, I promised our Sweet Pea that I would not disappoint him/her. I would make my Sweet Pea proud. And that's what I plan on doing, and with all of your encouragement, I know I can do that.
With the help of your words and my husband's endless support, I feel strong enough to get through this.
But mostly, I thank my Lord and Savior who is my Strength. I have not been the nicest to Him these last seven weeks but I cannot deny any longer that I need His strength. Truthfully, I miss Him.
Just because I'm choosing to move on and reclaim my life, does not mean I will ever forget my Sweet Pea and what he/she meant to me in those two short weeks I knew him/her. I will think of my Sweet Pea everyday. I hope when I think of my Sweet Pea I don't get sad, but rather I get excited to live this life I've been blessed with that could have easily been taken from me. I'll think of my Sweet Pea in Heaven and be happy that they don't have to experience this cruel world.
So again, thank you for your encouragement, your words have not fallen on deaf ears but have rather ignited a fire inside me. Thank you.

Looking Ahead

I've written five blog posts since our miscarriage. None of them are posted. It's pretty heavy stuff, so heavy I just don't feel like letting every person in the world read them. So I've decided to post a light-hearted and hopeful (a word I loathe using right now but am forcing myself to use it) post with a look into the future.
Brand and I are trying to distract ourselves from thinking too much about our Sweet Pea so we've decided to start taking further steps into our plans. So here is what we are looking forward to in the next few months:
1.) Maui! We are going to Maui in September for our 3 year anniversary. It was originally going to be a babymoon but we are excited to go back to the place of our honeymoon. We are blessed enough to have parents (Brand's parents) who own a condo on the beach. We got to honeymoon there and now we get to go back. It'll be fun to go back to our favorite spots and also create new memories. Brand and I need to get away from the sadness this year has brought us and just relax, just him and me.
2.) Julie is visiting in August! My big sis is coming back for more. She so eloquently said last time she was here that living in Spokane means that when people come visit you it's to visit YOU and not to see the sites. It's true, we showed her what we wanted to last time so we'll have to get creative. Maybe Greenbluff?
3.)Hurley!yui (Hurley wrote those last three letters) Hurley is our newest addition. He's the puppy that has me occupied a million times a day. He's the little guy that keeps my mind off the tragedy that consumes every thought. He's also one of the enticing reasons for Julie to come visit. Julie has a soft spot for dogs and she's excited to meet her new nephew.
4.) Little things like: the Olympics!, BBQing, walks in our favorite park, watching Dr. Who and Breaking Bad on Netflix, swimming in Lake CDA, floating the Omak River, ice cream, sno cones, etc.
5.) Buying a house? Brand and I have been saving to buy a house and the market is great now and we really need to jump on it before things start turning around. We are blessed enough to have a mom (Brand's) who is a shark of a realtor and has offered to be ours (which would mean about 3% off our cost of the house because she'd be doing it for nothing). She's good at what she does and she's the one you want at a used car dealer, plus she's an expert as a realtor and as a multiple homebuyer ( my in-laws own 6 homes, one they live in, the rest they rent out, I think they may know a thing or two about buying homes).
AND...
6.) Trying for our rainbow baby (a rainbow baby is a baby born live after a miscarriage or stillbirth). We are very close to being able to try again. We would be able to try right now but we opted to take caution and wait a little bit longer. Plus, I don't think I'm in a good enough emotional state. The thought of another miscarriage scares me enough to almost never try again. But the thought of finally holding a live baby in my arms makes me feel like it'll be worth the risk. We're hoping to be just as lucky this time around and get pregnant right away, but I'm not holding my breath. Either way, if you're reading this, friend, family, or stranger, we're looking forward to sharing good news with you..when/if we reach the 2nd trimester. These cautious parents just got more cautious.

It seems like life is always about new adventures, good or bad, and we're trying to navigate it the best we can.We're hoping these new adventures will bring much needed joy and happiness into our lives. No matter what, I'm happy to know that I have an amazing husband by my side. I'm blessed to know that the worst of the worse doesn't scare him away but draws him closer to me. I seriously have the best husband in the world. The most amazing man. I could not ask for a better partner to help shoulder the tough times but also to enjoy the wonderful.

My Sweet Pea never blossomed

When a child is conceived, they don't just make room in the womb, but they make room in the heart. Not just the mother's heart but the father's and the family's. They make room in the dreams of the future to come.

When this child is taken too soon, when it leaves the womb unborn, they never leave the heart. The dreams of the future are gone but the heart is where that baby resides now.

Unfortunately, losing a baby leaves you brokenhearted. Leaves you feeling empty in so many ways knowing that the baby you loved before you knew them is no longer alive. The only comfort I find as a mother with an angel baby is knowing that that baby is in Heaven, a place I would rather be at this point in time. But I can't. I'm stuck here on Earth empty-handed, with an empty womb but not an empty heart.

I love you my dear Sweet Pea more than you'll ever know.

Dearest Spring, I adore you!

Spring is here! And as if the beautiful weather didn't tip you off, here are a few ways that we know spring has arrived in the Adams house.

1.) Dexter hair is everywhere! He's shedding his winter coat and I'm left to pick it all up. Which means I'm vacuuming and sweeping twice as much. But the sunshine totally makes up for it.

2.) Outdoor cooking. Brand is a grillmaster and we take full advantage of our grill.

3.) The debate begins! This will be our third spring and summer in our home and yes we are without AC. Now this desert girl is slowly getting un-used to living without AC (I grew up in Boise which is much hotter than Spokane and I did it all without AC, if you need tips on how to survive, talk to me) so each year Brand and I discuss whether we should move our beautiful TV down to our cool basement (an option I didn't have as a child!). We always decide to tough it out but this year the basement might seduce us into its cool arms. Temptress.

4.) Camping thoughts! We dream of camping with our awesome camping gear (thank you family!) but we do not go as often as we'd like. Let's hope that changes this year.

5.) Dandelions! They are springing up and not quite in force like they did last year but any minute they will take over the neighborhood for a couple of weeks before they skulk away.

6.) Tennis! The rackets have already been busted out and Brand has begun his annual tennis lessons to his one and only student, me! Maybe something will stick this year :)

What are your signs of spring?

Adelaide is here!

Today my little niece is 2 weeks old! Things have been a bit busy and I've been devoting my time to other tasks than this blog so I apologize for the delay of the announcement of the birth of the newest blessing in our life. We were so blessed to be able to go home for a three day weekend to briefly visit the newest in the family. Brand's work had already given them Good Friday off and my co-workers and boss are so gracious to allow me to take off an unexpected Friday (and Saturday pet food duty, thanks Heidi!). We met my mom in Lewiston who was there for work and we caravanned through beautiful Idaho to meet my big brother's little lady.
She spent a few days under the bili lights to get a little suntan and the poor thing got poked and prodded and had cracking skin because of the dryness caused by the lights, but she is a little trooper and is happy to be with her family now.
Let me tell you. Seeing my big brother gush over his little girl is one of my new favorite things. He has been such a great dad to Ollie and now I get to see him be a dad to a little girl! (One of my most favorite things is seeing a dad with his daughter!). And seeing Rheanne handle having a second child in the house like a pro is pretty impressive. Ollie can be a handful and is always the center of attention but Rheanne knows her little boy better than anyone and knows exactly how to meet his needs and precious Adelaide. I'm very proud to call her my sister (in-law).
I have to say that I fell in love with Adelaide and her various faces, her red hair, her tiny body, and her long feet (and toes!). She is a very active dreamer and loves to snuggle. I can't wait to see her again!
Little Addy is such a blessing to my already blessed life. I'm so proud to be called her aunt!

Adelaide Marie Ekhoff. Born April 3 2:02 am (MT) 7 lbs 13 oz 20 in long

I'm a lover, therefore I'm a fighter.

I think I can call it. This February has been the longest of my life. I feel like January flew by and February is just sneering at me taking its time. I've said earlier that I want time to march slowly these days, and I continue to see the beauty of time slowed down a bit but this is a bit ridiculous. I also haven't contributed to the blogosphere since the end of January so maybe that's it. But truthfully, I believe it's because life has been quite...unforgiving.
I'm incredibly blessed with an amazing husband, wonderful family, fantastic friends, and an income (look I know my adjectives!).
That being said:
1.) My husband continues to show me how truly blessed I am every step of our marriage. As life and circumstances in our life become increasingly heavy and mortal, I've learned how blessed I really am to have my best friend by my side. He's been my rock as I've cried through my dad's diagnosis and prognosis. He is always showing me God's grace in placing me with my most perfect partner. But lately, he's had to lean on me as well. His best friend since childhood was diagnosed with a type of lymphoma. Lucas bravely began his fight last week with his first round of chemotherapy. After fighting for our country in Afghanistan, he is now fighting for his life. Brand is an optimist in these things but I think even being an optimist for my dad's situation (which is mostly futile unless a miracle happens, which we do believe can!) and then being an optimist for Lucas (which is MUCH more likely, praise the Lord!) can be a bit difficult. So I'm learning how to be strong for Brand as well. God's teaching both of us the fragility of life and that we must depend on Him for our strength.

2.) As stated above, my dad's terminal diagnosis still stands after another round of tests. He's doing well right now as long as he doesn't push himself in exercise. Try to tell a former marathoner, crazy bike rider, hiking lover, insane snowboarder, and all around athlete to stop exercising. It's hard. It appears his medication is helping more than is normal for people. He goes in for another round of tests in May to address his progress but according to his doctors, the diagnosis still stands as ALS. It was devastating to me to hear this news. To see him doing so well at Christmas and then again in January after how fast he was declining brought a lot of hope and then to have my hopes crushed was incredibly difficult for me to deal with even though my dad is at peace with it. It weighs on me to plan our lives accordingly so that we can spend as much time with my dad as possible. Hopefully, he has many years ahead of him but even if he does, those years will most likely not be full of him as he is now.

3.) As if attacking my husband and my family weren't enough, now one of my best friends faces a potential cancer fight. I pray that God will spare her at the very least. She's been incredibly strong in this and she truly inspires me. I love her to death and I will be right there by her side no matter what but I still have hope that God has a different plan. And if not, then I will be there to watch an already strong woman show cancer who's boss.

4.) Work has been incredibly stressful. My caseload has increased exponentially and that means more people to visit, more referrals to make, just more work, in the same amount of time I had before (which is not a lot).

Needless to say: I'm exhausted..mentally, emotionally, and physically.

BUT...
There are three people mentioned above that are really in the midst of these hardships that have the real fight ahead of them. As much as I wish I could take their place, I cannot. So I pray for guidance, words of encouragement, and my heart to be available as much as they need it.
And, I must say, I'm incredibly grateful that I have people in my life that I love so much that their heartbreaks are my heartbreaks, that their successes are even better than my successes, and that their fight takes precedent over my "fights". And with all that, I have a job doing what I love with people I love.
Complaining and "woe is me" attitude is futile because there is someone out there fighting against something harder than you are. Guaranteed. Be grateful for the life you have and look out for those fighting a bigger fight and fight alongside them.

Legacy

This past weekend Brand and I jetted down to Boise for a quick, but blessed weekend. We got to spend Saturday celebrating the 90 years of life God has given my beautiful Grandma Louise (and according to her doctor, she's living until she's 96, but she's aiming for 100..atta girl!)
Let's run the numbers real quick
3: The number of kids she birthed, raised, comforted, and loved
7: The number of grandkids that have sat on her lap, played with her ancient toys, and delighted in her yummy quesadillas
6: The number of great-grandkids that have brought the name "grandma" or "grandpa" to the children she birthed.
3: The number of great-great-grandkids that have begun a new generation in her legacy.


That's my grandma. A legacy leaver.
Celebrating with my cousins and the rest of the family was so much fun. I saw family I hadn't seen in years. And we laughed and joked like we had just seen each other yesterday. That's because we all have that firey Ekhoff blood in us that connects us. Basically, we're all hilarious and quick on our feet.
But the greatest part, was honoring our Grandma Louise. This woman is unlike any other woman I've met. She is tiny but so strong. She is quiet but oh-so-smart. She is ambitious, but a hopeless romantic. One of my favorite memories of my grandma actually happened within the last couple years. She brought out her yearbooks and we browsed through them. Page after page something caught my eye. My grandma was in almost every club she could be in as a woman in the late 30's. She was president of almost every club and even captain of her basketball team. She was smart, ambitious, and a go-getter. My dad then told me that she had received a full scholarship to University of Idaho but didn't tell my grandpa John because she knew that he would make her go and get her education and all she wanted to do was get married to the love of her life. My grandpa found out much later and got pretty mad (mad props to my grandpa for being a forward-thinker). That's my grandma, one smart lady. Also, she still wears her wedding ring 40 years after my grandpa died, loves her BSU Broncos, calls Josh out on his board game cheating ways, and rocks at Scattergories. My grandma rocks.
Happy 90th Grandma! Can't wait to celebrate your 100th!

Mi hermano

Today is a very special day. Today is my baby, little, younger brother's 24th birthday. It's a little insane if you ask me. Stephen isn't a 24 year old to me, he's still that blond boy that taught me football, how to tackle, played Jurassic Park with me, made up dances to 5ive with me, "sold" rocks using a questionable sales tactic, and rode bikes motorcycles all over the neighborhood. He's still the boy that I would trade "heater spots" with so he could play Super Nintendo before we left for school. The boy who usually had one sock sort of on (usually with a hole) and butter and jam smiles. The boy who wrangled up his best friends to beat up the 5th grader that called me a mean word (the boy that got his larger friend to sit on this boy until he apologized). Yup he's still the boy in his optimist football uniform, his AAU basketball uniform. Still the boy who not only knows some of my embarrassing moments but was usually there laughing at me when they happened.
But, he grew up into a man. He grew from a cute jock into a handsome musician, artist, and a bit of a football nerd still. He grew up to be part of the 3-man crew that showed me that it was going to be impossible to settle because they had set my expectations so high. He grew to be one of my best friends. One of the people I cried to, cried with, laughed with, dreamed with, and one of the people that will always melt my heart no matter how mad he makes me.
He's my little brother. He's not actually little but he'll always be my Stephen Timothy. I have a lot of great childhood memories and since Stephen is the closest to my age, most of them involve him. He was my greatest playmate.
So Stephen, on your birthday, I wish you happiness, peace, and the creativity to achieve those. Don't sell yourself short. Dream big and press hard after them. I'm excited to see what God has planned for you this year. I know one thing, there's a new little girl that you are going to protect. Little Meemo is going to have the best uncle in the world to look after her and teach Ollie how to weed out those dumb boys that are most surely going to be following her around. This year is going to be awesome, I can tell :)
I love you baby brother and happy 24th birthday :)

Another reason to love him.

Here's something you may not know about my Brand. He is a big softie. He likes to joke that he's a robot without feelings but luckily I get to see how false that is on a daily basis. Yesterday, our Dexter had these horrible bumps on his nose that today we found out were the result of an easily treatable bacterial infection. But before we knew that I went on a Google spree trying to diagnose my dog (next time one of my animals decides to have something wrong with them, it needs to be on a day a regular vet is opened, not a Sunday). I worried so much knowing that it was probably something like an infection or allergic reaction. But Brand kept calm for me and for Dexter. He talked in his sweet voice to Dexter and kept making sure we were both okay. And even though I knew he was worried (he also went on a Google spree), he was our rock.
I can only imagine that when we have kids and I'm freaking out every day about something they might have, I'm definitely going to need my rock to get me through it sanely.
So Brand, thank you for being the best dad ever to our sweet furry boys. We love you :)

Dexter is a cuddler.

Give it a Chance

That title sounds like this is going to be one of those really thoughtful blogs huh? Not.At.All.

I'm a huge Project Runway fan. I love fashion, design, wacky people, Heidi Klum, and because of Project Runway, Tim Gunn.(I may cry if I ever meet this lovely man). So when I heard there was going to be a Project Runway: All Stars, I was all on board. This meant the wackiest of them all which meant a few of my favorites are back (sadly, Andre and his awesome faces are not..sadsies). However, when they said the regular judges, Heidi Klum, and Tim Gunn were not...I was baffled..and turned off. But, then I heard from a reviewer that this season will be more hilarious, more awesome, more fashionized (?) than the rest PLUS Mondo my absolute fave was going to be back to claim what should have been his in the first place, Project Runway winner. (Gretchengate: look it up, barf at her hideous clothes, then realize that your unknown dream of fashion designer can come true if hers did).

Gretchen, that is a diaper. Nothing says sexy like incontinence

So tonight I watched it. And despite the awkwardness of the new host (at least she's pretty but she doesn't say auf wiedersehen) and the fact that they aren't at the legendary Parsons School of Design but 1407 Broadway (for the record, totally been to both now: NYC for the win.) it was pretty awesome. They even got rid of who I wanted them to get rid of! And Mondo is already looking strong. I swear if some undeserving female wins again just because it's on Lifetime...I'll keep watching who am I kidding.

My personal picture of Parsons, magic happens here people, magic...and diapers.

So there we go. You've just entered into the mind of Allison. I love TV and I love writing about it. Plus, there are so many shows out there I feel that my audience is not trying out for one reason or another, and I may have to inform you guys about these gems. So give Project Runway All Stars a chance.

Next time: Happy Endings on ABC (seriously people, this show is uh mah zingly hilariously genius and incredibly underrated, but more on that later)

An open letter to 2011

May the obligatory, thoughtful year-end blog begin. Enjoy. (Note: I'm writing this while experiencing some great pain in my back, the only way this might make less sense is if I were on lovely drugs to get rid of the pain so bear with me).

Dear 2011,
You started off pretty sucky. Brand lost his job but we never lost our footing. He silently freaked out while I buckled down and prayed for a miracle. In two months we were supposed to be jetting off on our dream vacation in Ireland and we could barely pay for the necessities. But then a month and a half later you answered with a perfect job for Brand: a perfect fit, doing what he loves to do, with room for growth. Just in time for our amazing Irish adventure where I fell in love with the country, the people, the food, the beer, the candy, and the spirit. I thank you for that. You blessed us with a beautiful spring and a hot summer. We found our place in the most perfect small group at church and found new friends.
It was the end of August that you proved to be a year of give and take. My father being diagnosed with a progressive, terminal illness made all the wonderful of 2011 seem so far away. 2011, you broke my heart. You found my kryptonite and used it against me. You messed with my family. But thankfully, someone is more powerful than you 2011. God blessed me with a wonderful family, the ability to live out dreams and adventures, the ability to laugh through the tears, and pray through the silences. He set in motion every person in my life to be a part of what I'm praying will be a miracle that will make 2012 the best year ever. With an army of prayer warriors from my small group, to my friends, to my family, to my dad himself we prayed that the awful that 2011 brought us would go away. After another adventure and lifelong dream of a trip to the Big Apple, that miracle that seemed impossible started to peek at us with a smile on its face. Because 2011, you can't perform miracles. You are just made up of 12 months. You have no power in my life or its outcome. You are just numbers. But God can perform miracles, He is eternal, He is faithful, He is merciful, and He is infinite. That prayer that I prayed the night that my life came tumbling down at my feet, that a miracle would happen, that even if my dad had that awful disease that some day he just wouldn't, no matter how impossible that was, may be coming true. It's hard to be hopeful when you know that you can be right back there on the kitchen floor unable to hold yourself up as you cry your heart out. But God has shown me hope. My dad is feeling impossibly better, doctors are doubting their original diagnosis, and we have no idea what is going on. But we have hope. 2011 you were made of disappointment, fear, adventure, love, intrigue, laughter, hurt, change, growth, and tears. 2012 might bring a lot of the same but I know that God never changes and that no matter what may happen in a year He is with me every step of the way.
So 2011, wipe that smirk off your face. You didn't do a job-well-done, you didn't provide adventure. You were merely just the backdrop of a life that lives and loves because He lived and loved me.

Sincerely,
A hopeful Allison